Inspired by Topless Rockstars

April 4, 2008 at 9:46 pm Leave a comment

Katie was talking about her impending death and how the funeral plans should go.  I’m not sure exactly what I want my funeral to look like (21 gun salute? Tigers? A flume ride?) but I do know that at least one head of state will be present.

The top 10 ideas for Steven J. G. Woodhead’s funeral:

  1. Be shot out to sea from a cannon while wearing an old-timey fighter pilot helmet and goggles.
  2. Be covered in latex and used as the test dummy for one episode of MythBusters (Joe)
  3. De-boned and run up a flag pole
  4. Stuffed and placed on my front porch, shotgun in hand
  5. Made to act out various scene from my life, with sock puppets standing in for my friends and family
  6. I don’t know why all of these involve using my partially decomposed corpse.  I’m morbid
  7. Pay two guys to sit at the back of the Church and get into a fight during the eulogy, and then take that shit to the street, Chico, because NOBODY BUT ME is taking over the Woodhead cocaine empire
  8. Stuff my mouth and eyes with high-powered lights, so I shine like Neo at the end of the Matrix.  Eulogy should carry on as normal.
  9. Put a dummy in the coffin, and place my body in a pew amongst the mourners, so I’m the last to leave.
  10. Hawaiin shirt, sunglasses, in a lounge chair at the front of the room, starting back at the crowd.


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No one will remember this Dogs are better than cats, and don’t argue with me

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About Upper Lip

It's mostly a collection of sweet links and copious amounts of talk talk talk. I like it more and more every day. And yes, even the ugly blue/green color scheme is not without a certain charm.

Yours Truly

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April 2008
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