July 12, 2008 at 6:12 pm 2 comments

“Technically, I should have failed you.”

If I’m ever a huge, mega successful movie star who one day appears on Inside the Actor’s Studio, and James Lipton gives me the Bernard Pivot questionnaire (created by Marcel Proust), and he asks me what I want God to say to me when I arrive at the Pearly Gates, those are exactly the six words I want to hear.  I want to spend years and thousands of dollars on professional acting training just so I can get to that moment on the stage with James.

Sadly, God did not say that sentence to me.  My driving examiner, on the other hand, did, right before he passed me on my G-class road test.  The “technically” and “failed” parts come from not yielding the right of way on a left hand turn to a truck within the first ten minutes of my test.  Thankfully for everyone in the car, I’m a driving dynamo whose mastery of the road is second only to my prowess in the ancient art of Divine Self Abuse, so I passed the remainder of the test with flying colors.
The government has now determined me to be a driver of sound mind and skill.  I would like to point out that when I failed by G2 test the first time, Paul Martin and his gang of cronies were in power.  Coincidence?  I loathe the word.

Speaking of The Actor’s Studio, here are the rest of my (honest) answers, just in case that fateful day never comes when I win my Oscar…
What is your favorite word?

Echolalia (ek-oh-lay-lee-a)

What is your least favorite word?

Piddle (that stupid cutesy word for urinating)

What turns you on creatively, spiritually, emotionally?

Being outdoors in early early morning, or late late evening.  Or autumn.

What turns you off creatively, spiritually, emotionally?

Tension (I think that was Tom Hanks’ answer?  I’m stealing it)

What sound or noise do you love?

Waiters or waitresses reading the specials of the evening (seriously).

What sound or noise do you hate?

TV or radio static when I’m not expecting it.  Or even if I am.

What is your favorite curse word?

“Motherfucker” (although, when my golf ball doesn’t go in the hole by the second putting stroke, I ALWAYS mutter “you little slut” in an angry tone).

What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?

1. Professional chef, 2. Musician

What profession other than your own would you not like to attempt?


If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?

“Technically, I should have failed you.”

Hint, this is just like one of those stupid Facebook things where everybody does the questionnaire and posts their own answers.  Don’t you hate those?  I do too.

Now post your answers – don’t be lame like that.


Entry filed under: Uncategorized.

Weekend Your kids are gonna love it

2 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Courtney  |  July 13, 2008 at 3:24 pm

    When I took my G-test last year, the girl said to me, “You passed, but just barely” and I said, “That’s good enough”.

    In some ways it terrifies me that they are allowing so many almost-fails on the roads, in other ways, I am glad because I am still allowed to drive…

  • 2. G  |  July 15, 2008 at 2:50 pm

    Brother, just so you know, the correct term for this type of questionnaire is a MEME. Cheers.


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About Upper Lip

It's mostly a collection of sweet links and copious amounts of talk talk talk. I like it more and more every day. And yes, even the ugly blue/green color scheme is not without a certain charm.

Yours Truly

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