10 things that I CAN do

November 2, 2009 at 9:40 pm Leave a comment

A little while back I posted a list of 15 seemingly everyday things I cannot do, which put my uselessness into harsh perspective for a few months.  So, I figured I would make a list of 10 things that I can actually do pretty well, to balance that sucker out.

  1. Juggle three spherical objects. Yup, taught myself this during a long autumnal season of working at the driving range. Now I have to either A) move on to bigger objects or B) move on to an increased number of similarly sized objects.
  2. Make a mean pizza. Oddly, it’s pretty much the only decent dinner item I can make that DOESN’T feature tomato sauce.
  3. Pan-fry a hamburger. With a side of rum.
  4. Read a book on the VIVA bus without getting sick.  Unless, of course, some townie sits next to me and cuts a fart so unholy the people around me start speaking in tongues.
  5. Speaking them big, book-learnin’ words. I hope I never lose my perspicacity.
  6. TV marathons. Oh my, what’s this? You say The Sopranos: The Complete Series boxed set is only $159.00 at Costco right now? That DOES ruffle my stockings, I must say.
  7. Cutting the lawn.  I hate it, but it’s a goddamn beautiful sight once I’m through with it.  Again, the fruits of working at a golf course.
  8. Doing the dishes.  Jesus, I must have been in the bathroom when they were handing out talents. What’s next, needlepoint and birdwatching? (Seriously though, I’m pretty good at washing dishes by hand).
  9. The Severed Finger trick.  Look! First it’s attached and now it’s not! Wait, where are you going? Aw, to hell with you guys; I’m going home.
  10. I seriously can’t think of a tenth thing, so I’ll leave you with this hilarious short from the Coen’s.
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Paranormal Activity Required Reading

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About Upper Lip

It's mostly a collection of sweet links and copious amounts of talk talk talk. I like it more and more every day. And yes, even the ugly blue/green color scheme is not without a certain charm.

Yours Truly

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And I'm email enabled at steven.j.woodhead@gmail.com

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